Asexuality and Relationship Anarchy

Asexuality/Relationship Anarchist Thoughts
from November, 2015

A really awesome person has used the phrase, "decision to build a relationship together with intention." It started me thinking again. So again, I ask: Need we confine ourselves to the notion that we have one partner? Need we treat our sexual partners as the "only" relationship that we have, or the "primary" relationship that we have?

As an asexual, for example, I will form all kinds of relationships that have various levels of romantic intimacy in them. Few, if any, would involve sex. I would not shunt someone into "secondary" position just because we don't have sex with each other. I would try not to and would work on it if I mess it up. I would also not treat someone as "less than" because my bond with someone else is more strongly intimate than my bond with that person.

It's cool if you're not into this or not up to this. Not all of us are polyamorous. Not all of us can deal with relationship anarchy.

For those of you who do have more than one loved one in your life - even if not all sexual partners or live-in partners or intimate friends: have you told your loved ones how you hold them in your life? Have you put a name on that relationship? Do your loved ones know about that? It's great that you shower them in love, and all of the blessings to you. It's just that your loved ones might not know where they stand with you, or they might want to discuss it with you.

When Are You Not in My Mind?

When are you not in my mind,
or your hand not in mine?
I am grateful that none of my nights
I am now away from you.

If things are that difficult there,
sell the heart, give up life,
Don't such conditions exist, my friends,
in my lover's neighborhood?

The swagger with which one enters
the execution chamber - that hubris
lives on; life comes and goes,
this life is not such a big deal!

Faith's arena is not a palace,
no one cares for the name or genealogy;
no one is named Lover,
love is not the caste of anyone.

If this is a contest for love,
lay down what you can, without fear
wonderful if you win,
If you lose, it is not a defeat.
-Faiz Ahmed Faiz

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Take Me There

excerpt:
"Because that is where I want to be:
"With you."

Being Asexual and Literal-Minded at the Same Time

On Being Asexual with a Literal Mind
excerpt:
"And as I flee the scene of this literal-minded collision, I accidentally knock over your box of crayons.

.

Thief.

A poem about asexual romance. Excerpt:
"You've left me bereft of my core; and I wander in your wake."

Rated X (Asexuality Documentary) with embedded video

There are parts of the "Relationships" section that really describe me. I highly recommend this video because of the way that it introduces so many important topics in a clean and concise way.
-Freedom

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The image below (of some of my awesome poetry) is for Facebook visibility purposes.

Best Friend Application

To print your own copy of this and hand it out to your potential best friend applicants, mouse over the embedded document below. Be sure to move your mouse over the upper right hand corner. Click the one that self-identifies as "Pop-out." From there you should be able to print.

Let me Love You - A Matinal Love Letter

excerpts from the poem:

Let my lips tell you of my love,
...
Singing to you my matinal happiness.

Wake, Beloved One

Wake, Beloved One
(a poem about asexual romance)
Sweet Darling,
Wake up. Surely you are hungry,
You are thirsty.
Open those lovely eyes of yours.
Rise with me, come with me
To meet the Light,
So that She may kiss
Our upturned faces
And caress our cheeks
With Her breezy hands.

Come, precious one -
Come greet the Dawn with me.
-Freedom2B

[Image: My photograph of a sunrise in August 2014. 0713 2014.08.11. 07.00]

My Soul Cries Out

My Soul Cries Out
(a poem reflecting asexual romantic desire)

a few lines:

My soul cries out
To your soul,
Seeking the nearness of yore.

(art adapted from original, possibly by Icy Andrew)

If (a poem about asexual romantic love)

Excerpt: "Would you object if I held on just a little bit longer...?"

Asexuals: We Also Seek Love

There are asexuals.

 We exist. This doesn't always mean that a person is completely disinterested in sex. Some people might have a very mild interest, or a rare interest. Others never want sex at all.

However, some of us still want the emotional intimacy that comes with a strongly bonded relationship. Some of us want to have a loved one, or a few loved ones, in our lives with whom we spend time and make special memories. Some of us might enjoy hugging and/or hand-holding. Some of us might want to cuddle. Some of us might enjoy kissing or other activities. Some of us don't feel the need to have that relationship formalised; others do. Please don't assume. Don't assume that we don't want a relationship; and don't assume that we don't want any physical contact at all. Ask.

It is rather difficult explaining to someone that you want to form relationships with others which have just as much emotional intimacy as a sexual relationship and which may even include certain aspects of physical intimacy such as hugging and hand-holding - but you just don't feel inclined to sex more than a small handful of times during the year.

And then it's downright frightening to try to approach someone to ask about the possibility of having such a relationship at all. It is so nerve-racking to work up the courage to ask to have such a relationship validated as a "relationship" of which one person would say to the other, "I'm seeing so-and-so" or "So-and-so is my partner/cuddle partner."

Because who might laugh at you to your face? God knows that rejection is already physically painful enough, but to be misunderstood and trivialised goes above and beyond even that. Then, who might not even understand the desire for the kind of emotional stability that a dedicated relationship provides? "You're just asexual. You don't need to be in a relationship like all the rest of us."

It is so difficult to navigate the world of love. Our hearts get smashed into bits and pieces, and on quite a regular basis. Please don't assume. Please ask us - ask what it is that we are comfortable with, ask what we desire in a relationship, and let us know what you want, what you need, what you are willing to provide should such a discussion arise.

My Love Is with You

A poem that I wrote while I was at the LGBTQ Muslim Retreat in 2013 about my experience with romantic love as a semi-asexual person. An excerpt: "And when the evensong rises from your heart...then my heart will sing with yours.

Pinings of a Love-Seeking Cuddler

A poem that I wrote while I was at the LGBTQ Muslim Retreat in 2013 about my experience with romantic love as a semi-asexual person. An excerpt:"My hand is empty without yours ensconced therein."