Thursday, 4 July 2013

Asexuals: We Also Seek Love

There are asexuals.

 We exist. This doesn't always mean that a person is completely disinterested in sex. Some people might have a very mild interest, or a rare interest. Others never want sex at all.

However, some of us still want the emotional intimacy that comes with a strongly bonded relationship. Some of us want to have a loved one, or a few loved ones, in our lives with whom we spend time and make special memories. Some of us might enjoy hugging and/or hand-holding. Some of us might want to cuddle. Some of us might enjoy kissing or other activities. Some of us don't feel the need to have that relationship formalised; others do. Please don't assume. Don't assume that we don't want a relationship; and don't assume that we don't want any physical contact at all. Ask.

It is rather difficult explaining to someone that you want to form relationships with others which have just as much emotional intimacy as a sexual relationship and which may even include certain aspects of physical intimacy such as hugging and hand-holding - but you just don't feel inclined to sex more than a small handful of times during the year.

And then it's downright frightening to try to approach someone to ask about the possibility of having such a relationship at all. It is so nerve-racking to work up the courage to ask to have such a relationship validated as a "relationship" of which one person would say to the other, "I'm seeing so-and-so" or "So-and-so is my partner/cuddle partner."

Because who might laugh at you to your face? God knows that rejection is already physically painful enough, but to be misunderstood and trivialised goes above and beyond even that. Then, who might not even understand the desire for the kind of emotional stability that a dedicated relationship provides? "You're just asexual. You don't need to be in a relationship like all the rest of us."

It is so difficult to navigate the world of love. Our hearts get smashed into bits and pieces, and on quite a regular basis. Please don't assume. Please ask us - ask what it is that we are comfortable with, ask what we desire in a relationship, and let us know what you want, what you need, what you are willing to provide should such a discussion arise.

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