"If you improve the conditions of children in a cage, they are still in a cage."
-US Rep Ayanna Pressley
Freedom to Be Me: The meanderings of a freed mind.
Tuesday, 23 July 2019
Wednesday, 10 July 2019
Let Me Go
(Note: As of 10:44 pm Wednesday 10 June 2019, this is not my state of mind. I am experiencing much difficulty, but not on the scale described below.)
There are monsters in my head. They are flashing images at me. Memories. My worst memories.
They remind me of the pain that I have endured, slashing me over and over again with their acid-dipped knives. If anyone looks me in the eye, I will fall out crying.
They remind me of my helplessness back then and convince me that I am helpless today. They remind me of how burdened I was then and then convince me that I am burdened today. They remind me of how emptied out I was of my self, how worthless I felt, and then convince me that I have nothing and deserve nothing today.
I can't fight them any more. I definitely cannot fight them and deal with the exhausting emotional stress of performing happiness in front of others. I am tired. I need my bed.
Let me go.
There are monsters in my head. They are flashing images at me. Memories. My worst memories.
They remind me of the pain that I have endured, slashing me over and over again with their acid-dipped knives. If anyone looks me in the eye, I will fall out crying.
They remind me of my helplessness back then and convince me that I am helpless today. They remind me of how burdened I was then and then convince me that I am burdened today. They remind me of how emptied out I was of my self, how worthless I felt, and then convince me that I have nothing and deserve nothing today.
I can't fight them any more. I definitely cannot fight them and deal with the exhausting emotional stress of performing happiness in front of others. I am tired. I need my bed.
Let me go.
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