You Are So Cool and an Inspiration and Can I Touch You?

Hiya!
I heard that you're a human. That is so awesome! Wow! Hey, I read this article about humans, and I think that you might be interested. What do you think of it?

Oh, guess what? One of my friends is a human, too! Isn't that exciting? You should meet my friend! The two of you would have sooo much in common!

Wow, is that your face? I can hardly even tell that you're a human! Can I touch it?

Check this out - I was out shopping and saw this t-shirt with a picture of a human on it, so I bought it for you. Isn't that amazing? Oh, you already have a lot of shirts? This one doesn't fit you? Ok, well maybe just keep it, because you could put it on your Christmas tree?

Have fun, and see you around!
-The World

*face hands*
*sigh*